More than a week has passed since my last post because I just wasn’t sure what to write about.
As I mentioned in my last post, I no longer feel like I NEED chocolate to survive. It took 27 days without chocolate to accomplish that feat. But do I feel like a success?
I feel numb. I feel like this is no big deal. I’ve even gone ahead and told a few more people that I’d given up chocolate for Lent. They didn’t react. I said this after I was feeling numb, by the way, in case you were thinking I fed off of their reaction.
I’ve been squirreling away chocolate as Lent has gone by. I’ve got a small bag of M&M’s, a king-sized Coffee Crisp chocolate bar and a Lindt 85% cocoa chocolate bar tucked in a drawer, the first 2 being leftovers from combos purchased at the movie theatre, the latter to enter a contest to win free Lindt chocolate for a year (YES, PLEASE). I open the drawer that they live in regularly, but I don’t feel like they are a temptation anymore.
I do feel disappointed. I really thought that if I was able to give up chocolate, I would feel like I was in control of my cravings, of my eating habits and of my life. Instead I feel like I’ve let myself down. That perhaps I should have just given it up for Lent and not tacked on any additional expectations. Maybe I just don’t care anymore because Easter is in a week, leaving me with little time without chocolate.
My mother’s birthday is on Tuesday. She has requested chocolate cake. My family has more than one birthday that often falls within Lent and as a general rule when it comes to birthday cake, if it’s something someone has given up, they’ll eat it anyway on the birthday. On Tuesday I will have one regular-sized slice of chocolate cake with chocolate icing and chocolate ice cream. I’ll let you know what happens.